There are special needs kids, and then there are special special needs kids, the ones whose ethereal qualities make them like no one you’ve ever met. My friend Carrie Wilson Link has written and published a memoir titled Wil of God, which tells the story of parenting her son, Wil, what he teaches her in the process, and what she learns about herself along the way. It’s truly a beautiful read.
I asked Carrie 5 questions about how special needs children can affect family relationships, and what we can learn from them.
1) Being a special needs parent myself, I know that above all our children teach us unconditional love and patience. What other gifts do special needs children bring to their families?
I can’t speak for all special needs children, but mine brings to our family his gift of spirituality. Wil has a deep connection to God. He is completely ego-less and pure, which is one reason I wrote the book – to share this gift with others.
2) Beyond the day-to-day business of extra doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and IEP meetings, in what ways is family life challenged by having a child with special needs?
It’s challenged in every way imaginable. Meals, going out into the world, doing things with friends and other families, trying to take vacations, spending time with the typical child(ren), every aspect of life is challenged. The challenges, and blessings, are part of every breath, part of every minute, part of every thought, part of every plan, part of every thing.
3) What fears do you have as a special needs parent, and how do you address them?
My biggest fear is what will happen to Wil when my husband and I are too old to take care of him, and when we are gone for good. I don’t want the burden to fall all to my daughter. We are hoping to have housing figured out well before then, but still, who can love and look after a child like a mother does? With a special needs child like mine, there is no, “When he grows up and moves away” to look towards, there will never be a time he’s fully independent.
4) What advice would you give for nurturing a marriage when you have a special needs child?
This is important, and possibly the biggest challenge of all! We have been blessed to have our parents live in town, and be able to use them for respite, even still. We now have a wonderful family friend that comes and stays with Wil a week each year so that my husband and I can go away together and know that he is 100% happy and safe (and she even cleans my house while I’m gone). It’s critical that parents get away together, dinners out, weekends away, whatever is manageable. You have to remember why you got married in the first place! It’s too easy to fall into roles and ruts and just be co-parents of the special needs child, and not husband and wife.
5) What in your opinion is the most important thing to know about how a child with special needs affects family dynamics?
It’s important to know, and accept, that your family’s dynamics will be very different from most of your friend’s. That can be hard, particularly when your friends with kids your child’s age are hitting big milestones, and your child isn’t. By the same token, your family dynamics are not “worse,” they are just different. Attitude is everything!
Carrie, thank you so much for your insight and wisdom, and for your time in doing this interview.
Everyone, thank you for reading, and be sure to check out Wil of God, available in both paperback and ebook.
Thank you, Tanya!!
I am loving this series! Carrie, your attitude shines in all that you do. What a lovely light you are in the world!
“part of every breath, every minute, every thought, every plan, every thing”
So true. Beautiful interview. Beautiful book.
Carrie, thank you!
Kario and Michelle, thanks very much for your comments!