A Lesser-Known Perk of Being 18

Being 18 is pretty cool. You can do a lot of things now – you can vote, of course, and if you did not have epilepsy or the developmental delays caused by autism, you could enlist in the military. But you can have your own eBay and PayPal accounts. And you can get a tattoo or get married. You can buy a lottery ticket!

There are other things you can buy at 18 – tobacco products, guns, and pornographic material. And here’s something else – even if you don’t want to buy them for yourself, your younger “friends” could ask you to buy it for them. They’re banking on the fact that you don’t know it’s illegal to do that. They would even give you the money to do it! And, because you’re 18, you can also sell things to a pawn shop to help your “friends” out. They would really appreciate it.

You could be walking home from school, dialogue from your favorite movie running through your mind, maybe even coming out of your mouth quietly, and suddenly two guys from your school walk up on either side of you. They’re juniors, a class behind you, but they know you, as everyone from your school knows you. They’ve known you for quite some time, even though you don’t know them. They know you have autism, they know how trusting you are, they’ve seen you do things just because someone asked you to. They tell you they want to sell some jewelry to that pawn shop that’s on the way home from school, but you have to be 18 to do it, and they’re not 18 yet. Could you help them out? It would only take a minute. They thought of asking you because you’re a cool guy. And because they know you wouldn’t even think to ask for a cut.

But what they don’t know is that you have a mama bear for a mother. They don’t know that she thought ahead and knew how vulnerable you would be as you entered adulthood, and that for years she has taught you how to figure out if someone is really a friend or if they’re just trying to take advantage of you. She taught you how to question if a situation is a good one to be in. And now that you’re older, some of what she taught you is starting to come together and you’re developing the ability to figure it out on your own, even if the situation is not one she had thought to talk with you about. So you nonchalantly, in your self-described monotone voice, tell the guys that you need to let your mom know you’ll be late, and you pull out your cell phone and call her.

You tell her, in the same monotone voice, that some guys from your school asked you to sell some jewelry for them at the pawn shop. Because you’re 18.

And she tells you, trying not to sound frantic, that she’s so glad you called, because if you sell that jewelry to the pawn shop and it turns out to be stolen, you – you – would be held legally responsible. And then she says not to say any of that to the guys, to just tell them you have an appointment and need to get home.

And you do that, and five minutes later you arrive home, and your mother lauds you for showing such good judgment and awareness. And you ask her what you should have done if they didn’t leave you alone, and she talks with you about strategies for that and other types of situations like it.

Because empowerment and advocacy don’t just happen in IEP meetings and school projects and blog posts. Those things are absolutely worthwhile (otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this blog post), but everyday life is where empowerment and advocacy really happen. Where situations organically present themselves and you roll with them because you have the tools in place to do so. And when you aren’t sure, you ask for help.

Because you’re 18. You’re autistic. And you know what’s up.

*photo courtesy of Wikipedia